Rockstar Treatment

Look at all the medicine we were giving out to all you kids when you were all sick at once!

It's one thing to have cancer, but when you get sick when you have cancer people really step into action.  Anytime you get a fever of a mere 101 it's doctors orders to head straight to the ER.  We don't want any infections so we do it as a precaution.  Well, I knew when we heard that, that we've never gone six months without a sickness plauging the family at some level. So it was no surprise when you caught a virus from your siblings and the fever began to creep up.  There was something comforting in knowing you siblings had it first, and it was nothing serious, but still we went to the ER as we were directed. 

Even though I knew it was the same virus your siblings had, I was worried your blood counts would be too low to let you leave and sometimes it can take up to a week before your blood counts get back to normal.  I was not excited about the thought of staying in the hospital for a week.  When we got there, I was expecting to muscle around the staff to get us out of the waiting room and in to see a doctor, but it turns out, when a cute little baldie comes in wearing a mask, it's like Taylor Swift just walked in the building!  They treated us like royalty.  We walked right into a room (and i have been to the ER on a weekend before. . . that NEVER happens)! They took us through back hallways and got all your tests done  STAT.  They even brought you food (that never happens either).  I could really get used to this kind of medical treatment. 

They said you looked good, and your counts were high enough to go home.  They gave you some IV antibiotics just to be safe, and sent you home.  Of course, you don't get off that easy, the Oncologist gave you medicine the next time he saw you to make sure it didn't get worse.  And more medicine on top of what you already take, well. . . that did not get you very excited.  . .

Yummy!

One of these days we will go to the ER and we will just be regular folks, and we will sit there for three hours on a holiday weekend, and they won't even know that one time we came in on a day just like that and we were treated like a rockstar!

Switcheroo

You can't have two bald kids and not try to do a switcheroo.  When ever would you get a chance to do that again without an identical twin?  You and Jackson wanted to fool Dad, and see how long it would take him to notice who was who. Jackson was pretty reluctant to wear girl clothes, but you convinced him it would be so fun and deep down he knew it would be. You switched clothes in the car, and came into the house. Daddy did a double take for sure, but the giggles got the best of you two. 

You are two very silly kiddos :).

The Clinic Club

Every third wednesday now we go to Little Rock to get your big doses of chemo.  I have never found a more sobering place then the oncology clinic at the children's hospital. The clinic makes us realize all the things we are grateful for.  It is hard sometimes to realize the hard things people have to deal with in an oncology clinic.  It makes losing a little hair for a few months, and a little energy, and even a kidney, not so bad.  When we first started at the clinic, we were both nervous.  So many kids, all struggling with so much with their sweet bare heads and masks on their faces.  You kept close to me. You whispered and wondered about each of the kids and what they might have.  We felt so out of place there. 

It's funny how it didn't take long until we didn't need to whisper and wonder. Because we knew. It was like we joined a secret club.  Suddenly we knew why all those kids were so happy dispite their physical differences, or their lack or energy.  It really doesn't matter how much you are dealing with or what it is, everyone wants to be happy. These kids choose to be happy, everyday instead of looking for all the reasons to be miserable.  I can see now, why we are told in the scriptures to be like unto the little children.  Those kids, they have a lot to teach us.

Now that we are in the club, we see new patients come in.  We watch them try to get numbing cream on their ports, and get the pacaderm over it just right.  We watch them with their thick, flowing hair and wonder now if they are wondering about us.  We realize that there is some good that comes from cancer too, and we hope they aren't too scared.  We try to remember the things we thought, when we came in the first time. 

One day in the clinic, we saw Sydney.  She is a teenager.  She had beatiful hair halfway down her back.  You admired it.  We didn't know her name back when she and her friend and her mom helped her get ready for her first treatment. 

We found out her name three weeks later, when we noticed a girl in a wheelchair, with a baseball cap covering her bald head, and a fresh pink scar that ran up the back of her neck and dissapeared underneath her hat.  You told me you thought whoever it was, had brain cancer.  I nodded noticing the familiar mom I saw with a lively teenager only a few short weeks before.  When I made the connection, I reminded you of the girl whose hair you had envied and told you she was the same girl. 

You were surprised, and then I saw the empathy etched in your face. You knew all too well how that felt, to be so lively and normal one day, and be tossed through a physcial and emotional whirlwind.  You wanted to meet her, and bring her one of your lollipops.  Her dad was rubbing her feet, and told us her name.  He was the sweetest man, so concerned with you, and proud of the energy and liveliness you had. Here we were going to help them, and they were cheering us on.  Parents of kids with cancer are so sweet and  understanding, because they are in the club too. 

You were too shy to say much so I spoke for you. I told them you noticed Sydney a few weeks ago. I told them you remember recovering from surgery too, and it was hard, but time goes fast.  That's a good thing sometimes.  Their joy and encouragment strengthened me.  They were the kind of people you could spend the day with, their happiness was so infectious.  People like that make the clinic magical.  It is a place of common ground, for kids, and parents.  It brings people together from every background and culture.  It is a place of unity and understanding.  It's a place with amazing doctors who fight for you kids.  Their is a special place in heaven for pediatric Oncologists and staff.  We love how they cheer with our victories, and how they know just when to worry with us.  They are in the club too. 

Sometimes I think about the times when we weren't in the club.  How simple things were then.  How much I never knew.  I don't know if I could give back my membership now.  I'm such a different person, you are too.  You never knew how brave and how tough you could be. You amaze me everyday, and teach me and your dady and your siblings so much. We will all be forever changed for the better.  No, I dont think we could give that membership to the clinic club back.

First Day of School

We can learn so much from your easy going siblings. On the first day of Kindergarten in a brand new school, we sent off this excited little guy.  Instead of pulling up in the afternoon to greet him, he came home to find his sister in the hospital for a transfusion.  No one got to sit down and hear all about his day, or make him a special afterschool snack.  It was a chaotic and stressful afternoon that ended with a late night for Jackson hanging out at your bedside in the hospital.   I never heard one complaint that I saw him only for a moment to swap places at the hospital so I could run to the airport.  He didn't ever comment that we kept him out too late while he laid his head on his arm to eat his breakfast the next morning.  He didn't even mind that the first time I was able to ask him about school was at the end of his second day. I think he is more mature than me.
 

Kaylee, your first day of school was a little different.  You started a week after Jackson. You still got that special outfit on (so hard to choose which one). Only instead of walking through crowded halls with butterflies in your tummy, your teacher came to you. When you are doing treatments, your second grade teacher comes after teaching your class, and gives you all the work you need to keep up.  It turns out, you only need 4 hours of one-on-one time a week, to keep up with the 30 hours a week you miss being in school!

Planning

We planned for Adrienne to come to help out during a treatment week.  We planned to have her fly in on a day with nothing scheduled.

Planning is highly overrated.

I learned that a long time ago, but for some reason, I find myself always making a plan.  If my life turned out the way I had planned, it would have been a very sad life.  It's really a good thing the Lord knows better than me.  If life went the way I had planned, I wouldn't have been at BYU-Idaho, I would have been at BYU Provo, and then I wouldn't have met your daddy.  If life went the way I planned it, I would have not moved so often, and then we would have missed out on meeting some of our very dearest friends. If life were the way I planned, we would be living in Arkansas, but then we would be far away from the award winning doctors we currently have at our disposal. 

Planning is had to do with cancer too.  So many things change from day to day.  Some days I couldn't plan more than an hour ahead of time, because I wasn't sure how you would feel, or if we would need to see a doctor.  It became frustrating to not know what to expect from one day to the next.  It was hard not to know if you could go to a sleepover, or if dinner would sound good to you when it came time. 

It would only be fitting that when I planned to have my sister fly in to help with a treatment, you didn't have a treatment afterall.  Instead, your counts were low, and treatments got off the schedule.  Instead you needed a blood transfusion again, and although we felt used to the routine this time, it just wasn't as smooth as last time.  You felt uncomfortable.  Your temperature was slowly creeping up, and it mad the nurses a little nervous.  It just wasn't as magically healing as it was last time.  Time was ticking to the end of your transfusion, and Adge's flight was approaching Tulsa.  I sat next to you, while Adrienne patiently waited 7 months pregnant in the Airport lounge while I arrived over an hour late to pick her up. 

She breathed new life into our stale house.  She is creative just like you. You were like two peas in a pod learning new crafts together like oragami, and cartoon drawings.  She cleaned bathrooms, and made meals.  She ushered in a turning point in your treatments. 

I didn't know it then, but I can look back at the time she was here as the end of the hardest three months of my life.  By the time she left you were over a hump.  The more time lapsed from the end of your weekly treatments and radiation the more energy and higher blood counts you had.  Unexpected trips to the hospital became less of a probability. 

I planned for help for a treatment week, but the Lord knew better.  He saw a weak and weary mother that needed a sister's shoulder to cry on.  He saw a tired girl who needed her Aunt to come spice up her mundane days.  He saw healthy kids that needed some outings, and a house that needed some attention.  He's a much better planner than I am.  I am glad that things don't always turn out the way I plan.

Lazy Summer Days

It's fitting that I found this random picture on my camera.  I don't know who took it, but these are the guys that we lived vicariously through all summer long. A record of your treatment wouldn't be the same without them in it.  It's funny when you are sick, all the things you aren't suppose to do, suddenly become the percription for getting better.  Eat as many milkshakes as you can, lay around and watch TV, stay inside. . .it was our way of life this summer.  Lazy summer's arent too bad in the sweltering heat.  It made the time slow down a little bit.  Every mother loves to see the clock slow down, even if it's just for a little bit. 

Lauren

Aunt Julie told me while you were still in the hospital that your cousin Lauren she really wanted to come visit. Do you know her mom sent her on a plane to come see us straight after her dance camp.  There isn't another person like Lauren.  She brought you and Jackson and Brookie and Reese books, games, clothes and toys.  Her brothers and sisters all sent things along with her too.  She perked up our mondane July.  She made it fun and exciting to be indoors.  She baked cookies, and rolls.  She helped us refinish Jacksons dresser.

  She brought High School Musical 1, 2 and 3. She showed you the cool apps on her ipod, and you showed her the cool ones on yours.  She taught you to swing dance, and even part of the Nutcracker Ballet. 

I don't think you guys have ever had more fun stuck in the house then with Lauren around.  She had too leave too soon for all of us.  We knew she had to go, she had the start of her senior year to get back to, but we sent her off, with tears in our eyes, so grateful for our own special time with her all to ourselves.